On doing nothing but talking about myself
Umisha KC
Editor
I’ve been writing a lot about myself these past few weeks. I am currently working on my grad school applications and this requires serious introspection as well as unabashed self-promotion. I am not good at either of those things. I am also a relatively private person. I don’t cry in front of people (Usually... Sorry, Dr. Melissa). I don’t like divulging information about myself and I absolutely do not like talking about my feelings with people who are not within my circle of friends. I also am a firm believer of not thinking. All these facts have made the process of writing application essays much harder than it needs to be. These essays are a chance for me to tell my own story, but I haven’t been paying much attention all these years. I went to college and I did stuff isn’t an inspiring enough narrative for schools to give me the time of the day. With this column and grad school applications, it often seems like all I do is talk about my own mess. This semester has required a lot of soul searching on my part and let the record show that I am not a big fan of this whole process.
It also doesn’t help that I often suspect that I might be extremely stupid. This obviously isn’t true. I am a senior in college after all. I can’t be that much of an idiot. But, oh, you should hear the voice in my head, she’s a real doozy. I feel like I constantly make a fool out of myself. If this life had a mouth, I would be the proverbial foot in it.
But I also know I am brave. I have come a long way from the shy girl I used to be. What does help is that I recently shed the last bit of shame and pride I had. I have simply decided to not be embarrassed anymore. Most times, I can’t afford to shy away because I need to get things done. Other times, it simply boils down to one simple question: Do I care? And the answer, dear reader, is often no. I don’t have the luxury to dwell in self-pity anymore. Take this column for example. Will people have their unfavorable opinions about this? They shouldn’t but yes. Do I care? Extremely, but it doesn’t matter. The people whose opinions I care about won’t change because of a silly mistake I might make or they don’t enjoy my five hundred word rant. And at the end of the day, that’s all there is to it.
All this to say, I am still struggling with writing these essays. I still struggle to write this column. They say write about what you know and, boy, have I taken this advice seriously. Obviously, I don’t know anyone or anything like I know myself. It also helps that I can’t sue myself for libel. Let’s all collectively hope, for my own sanity and yours, that I will find something other than myself to write about next semester. Until then, I will be here in college, doing stuff.